), a day, a night, a few dates, weeks, months, and in some cases, some can play the long game and draw it out for a year.
Of course when they disappear or they replace ‘the model’ you got with a pared down version, you will wonder what was wrong with you to cause the loss of adoration.
While it is very flattering when someone says they love you immediately or makes you the centre of their universe immediately, the fact of the matter is that they don’t know you enough to be sincere about it. I’m not saying that you’re not a wonderful person, but aren’t we giving ourselves and them too much credit by believing that our libido, powers of judgement and observation and awareness of our own values are so powerful that we can tell immediately based on looks, sexual chemistry, penis size, words etc that we (or they) love someone? Well, we don’t like to appear to be spoil sports, many of us are not aware of the perils of red flags, and we second guess ourselves.
If these people are still around in a year or two and your high intensity dalliance yields into something more steady, then good for you.
However, the problem with people who fast-forward is that they can’t cope with steadiness.
The relationships that survive (healthily) are ones where the two people have slowed down but are in essence still the same two people that met and there isn’t a dramatic shift in character and integrity.
Being confident in yourself is also about believing that there isn’t a fire – you can take enough time to get to know each other without rushing to get your pants down and make big declarations. People who tend to fast-forward can go through their cycle in a few hours (ever met an intense person online who sent you several emails, pestered you and then disappeared?
You will use a number of the things that they fast-forward you with as basis to trust them with – Trust Points.
It’s crucial to remember that dating is a discovery period.
You should date with a reasonable level of trust as a basis and your interactions serve as a series of checks and balances.
Positive things increase your trust, dodgy stuff should have you rolling back and assessing the risk.
From declarations of falling in love and ‘I love you’ when they’d barely known them a hot minute, conversations about babies, marriage, moving in, meeting parents and being whirled around like a show pony amongst friends, or hearing about how ‘Everyone is so eager to meet you’, to high intensity liaisons with persistence, great sex, average sex, and multiple phone calls, texts, emails, and letters in a bottle, all of these people have been whizzed at high speed through the early crucial stage of dating.