She was living, breathing, walking around on the scene and trying not to smoke or drink, calling me a couple times a week back then because I had stopped drinking around then.But then one day it seemed that suddenly these were now the years when her calls never came.
Vincent’s before they started tearing it down, because this was maybe fifteen years ago now, and she hasn’t called since then.
The heart, or the valves, or whatever it was that they transplanted that came from a pig, seemed like it would take, her doctors were saying.
Black curtains have closed on so much of what I thought I would have done by now; I’m speaking here obviously of matters love and dating, but also personal progress and things you can’t really hold measure to if you have any kindness in you at all. One time I watched a drunk tailor try to make sense of what he had marked and pinned earlier in the day with a sober eye, and that night when I was watching him from my perch upstairs across the way, his livelihood was nearly destroyed by his own hand, his tearing apart the small shop, in anger and disarray, certain it wasn’t him who chalked and pinned and cut something like this.
He was looking at it all, so drunk and confounded, like he couldn’t figure out who would have done it.
That’s all of us, I think, looking back at what plans we had, screaming and holding our faces in our hands.
And thinking: who in the hell, of even remotely sound mind, would’ve planned and measured it like this?
I also enjoy biking and have played softball on my office’s team for two seasons now.
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